I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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