Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
