He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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