i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
