party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
