well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
