Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
