I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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