I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
