Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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