ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
