And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
