in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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