i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can you bring me the toilet please
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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