I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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