Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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