you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
