Betty ford says i'm here all night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
