You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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