Where is the hickey?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
