I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
