the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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