i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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