Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
