Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
