She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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