You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
