i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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