My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
