I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
