He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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