White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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