I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my shit smells like andre
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
