Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
