So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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