If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
