I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
