Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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