i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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