when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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