Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just cropdusted the office
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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