grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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