im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
