I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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