So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize