Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am available for nakedness
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
