CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
