Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
