I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
