I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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