3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize