he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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