so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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