I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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