Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
