Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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