just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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