They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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