3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize