that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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