That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
