I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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