you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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