I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude i'm inner monologue high
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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