I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
