This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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