OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
