I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was a blind-side dick pic.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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