dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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