There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
