So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
