Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
