Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
