we're chasing vodka with high fives
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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