i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
