Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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