Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
