She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need a hoe opinion
go on
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
