OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize