Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
