So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
