My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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