My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
