Have you finally orgasmed yet?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
the liver wants what the liver wants
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need water and some morals
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
