My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You are the jesus of drinking
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
