In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
