chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
