But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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