you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize