dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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