First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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